Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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