she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
