It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish you could order shots online.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
