____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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