You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
