I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
