he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
