I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
