I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
