What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
