you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
