I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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