Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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