you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
