I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
