I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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