rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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