did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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