So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
