I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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