so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
