No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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