i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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