I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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