i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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