I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
