We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
