If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
