we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
