My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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