i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
