I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
