its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
