Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
