what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
