best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His nipple licking is glorious
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