I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
