sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
