she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
