I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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