There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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