Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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