laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
