I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
