if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
