I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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