Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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