Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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