...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
