I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
