Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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