Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
