I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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