I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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