he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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