If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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