My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
