I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
