Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
