Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
