walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
