4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
