trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
