she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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