you guys were way drunker than both of me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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