Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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