you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
