It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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